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Teresa’s reading includes her father, who recently died, standing by her with a bottle of his favorite liquor (but not a squid in the pot) and telling her that he condones her most recent relationship, which clues all the women into what they already secretly know - that the ever-horny Teresa is getting it somewhere. She soothes Jackie with vague platitudes: “You’re your own success, and it’s not about your struggles, it’s about how you pick yourself up.” In fairness, that is how most people talk, but it’s about as fully drawn a picture as a twice-shaken Etch A Sketch. Then we come to Jackie, who talks to her grandmother Esther, who was her favorite grandparent. I don’t thiiiiinnnnk so.” “Well, your father says don’t doubt yourself. No.” “What about the number five?” “Uhhhhh.
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The psychic is like, “Is there a crack in your foundation?” “Um. How can you follow that up? Well, with Melissa, who isn’t sure she wants to be read. I will never forgive everyone in that room for not making an All Dogs Go to Heaven joke. But what really gets her is that she hears her dog Boo is also in heaven. Next she tells Dolores to get ready for something physical, that she should get her health checked. Everyone assumes that grandma means David, but what if grandma means Frank? What if she finally needs to dump Frank to be with David, her true soulmate? Ah, probably not. First, she tells her that her grandparents are telling her that the man she is with is not her soulmate and that there is another lover just waiting for her to break up with this guy. I tune out Realtor Michelle like she’s an ad for Cellino & Barnes.ĭolores is the next victim and Gina has done her homework on her. The psychic tells her that she has a relative from Portugal and that she will someday be involved in a political scandal, which is when we find out that she was having an affair with a disgraced congressman who was also stealing money from widows and orphans. Next is Realtor Michelle, the world’s richest former Hooters waitress. Actually, he didn’t tell her that second part, but I did and I am also inhabited by the spirit of a man named Bernie who died in a poppers accident in a San Francisco bathhouse in 1978. He thanks her for stepping in to raise his grandkids and tells her to lay off the plastic surgery.
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Gina talks to a man named Bernie, who was her father-in-law before he died and one of Marge’s favorite people in the world. Speaking of which, Teresa’s pouring cheese and chips on a platter for the women to come over and talk to Gina Marie (no relation to Scheana Marie), her new favorite psychic.Īs the women assemble in Teresa’s echoing living room (it’s Jackie’s first visit to Teresa’s manse after three years on the show, which is hilarious) the psychic gives each of the women a reading. Does that mean anything to you? Well, it should, because that is the exact weight of all of Teresa’s wigs piled up on one scale. Maybe the answer is somehow related to the number 172. What is up with all of these ruddy complexions? Is it the light they’re using? Is it a COVID thing? Are there molten-lava people living inside these flesh shells just burning (hehe) to get out? Gia’s face looks like it’s been lit by Rudolph’s nose as it glows around the world on Christmas Day. That’s when the greatest mystery of this season rushes once again onscreen: Why is everyone so damn red? Every time Joe Gorga is onscreen, he has the flush of someone who just ran up ten flights of stairs in the blazing sun. She’s wearing a slouchy sorority hoodie and sporting a harried ponytail. As Teresa Giudice readies her house by pouring a bunch of tortilla chips on the sort of marble slab usually reserved for virgin sacrifices, her daughter Gia sits at the onyx kitchen island as large as Vanuatu.